Shocked.

When I moved to America for university, I thought to myself, there is no way I’m going to get culture shock. I was raised ‘western arab.’ Mom and dad went to school in America, I was raised wearing shorts and watching Disney channel. More importantly, I was raised in Dubai, the America town of the Middle East. So when my parents dropped me off at my dorm for the last time and I waved them goodbye, I thought my true American college experience was going to start. 

I remember the first time I lost my culture shock virginity. It was 12 AM and I was with my first college friends, the people I lived with on my floor. I remember being with one girl I got particularly close to in the first couple of weeks of school. So when it came to order and pay, my Arab instinct was to pay for the both of us. As it’s always been engrained in us to pay for others, it’s also always been engrained in us to expect a rebuttal from the other person. So when I offered to pay and began to extend my debit card to the cashier, I expected her to fight me and not let me pay just like I’d seen at every dinner. Instead, she stayed silent. Saying thank you instead of, “NO NO 3eib ishoom! Let me pay!”

That was the first time I had ever realized that my culture is vastly different than the new one I was trying to assimilate to. And from then on, the multiple culture shocks began. It was more than just nuances of new slang words that I’d never heard, and trying new foods that I seriously thought I would never try, but it became things like people asking advantage of me because they knew I had money. Or making passes at the fact I wouldn’t ‘understand’ certain things because I had never lived in America. It was other things like, hiding the fact that I was raised with a maid my entire life out of fear of being ostracized by my peers. 
There are many things that some of my closest friends from college don’t know. They don’t know this because while their culture shocks me, mine would do just the same. And so, although I told myself I wasn’t experiencing culture shock, I really was. It was a reality check that needed to happen. While I kept lying to myself about LOVING America, I became depressed and missed everything about my culture. I missed the food, the language, the kindness for others and so much more. I became so home sick that I almost dropped out of school. 

I kept telling myself, I don’t belong here, “white people man”. I considered going home for the rest of my first year and never coming back. My second semester was different though. I began to learn that the many differences in culture and culture shocks shouldn’t be something that made me upset, but rather something that I could learn from. After all, I wanted to live in America after graduation. 

And so things began to change. My friends taught me the many things I missed out on living abroad. I learned the new slang words and TV shows so could understand the references being made and especially all the ‘nooks and crannies’ of the midwest. But I also taught a lot my friends about my own culture. I had to explain what a Zafeh was and why our weddings are so large. I taught about my heritage and where I came from and how that relates to how I was raised. 

So, moving to a new country and quite frankly a new way of life isn’t easy. You will get shocked, it will make you upset and it will hit yo hard, only at first though. Hindsight is 2020. I always say that had I left and let the culture shock get to me and move back home, I would not be the person and in the position I am today. It’s always hard feeling like an outsider and not feeling like you fit in right. But now, although I miss living at home, immersed with my own culture (and quite frankly because I miss mulikhiyya), I can’t imagine not adopting the midwestern culture and blending it with my own. 

~PrincessofJumierah