How Do You Speak Such Good English?

As an Arab living in the west, I have been asked some peculiar fucking questions. Some personal faves being; “do you go to school on a camel”, “does your father control you”, “do you have a gold plated car?.” But let me tell you what my TRUE favorite is. Like this is really one I’m getting tattooed on my forehead. “How do you speak such good English” will be repeated at my wedding, funeral and when I am resurrected from death. Do westerners- British, American or any fucker who is white think that they are the only nations that speak English???? Like do they think they called dibs on the English language? White people often forget that we, as Arab nations, import everything (ha ha ha another problematic topic for another post) including our education systems. So while y’all were going to high school twiddling your thumbs and learning elementary Spanish for the eighth year In a row and laughing at the word “sacapuntas”, WE BE OUT HERE HAVING TO LEARN 3 FOREIGN LANGUAGES, OUR OWN AND ENGLISH LITERATURE AND LANGUAGE. I have literally had to sit and explain to people, with a pen and paper, that we speak “such good english” because we were raised speaking the language like you were Jessica. Westerns often forget how strong education systems are abroad, like you wouldn’t be going to university is you failed you final exams bb. So why do I speak such good English you ask? Because since exiting the womb, my ENGLISH SPEAKING parents spoke to me in the language, started reading Shakespeare at 3rd grade and literally went to a BRITISH SCHOOL. Like I get to HEATED about this because while you’re only speaking English and still getting shit wrong, we are all speaking a minimum of two or three languages with FLUENCY. So Patricia, before you ask me how I speak such good English, just take a sec and pause and think. But angry rant aside, I know a lot of the times when westerns ask this question, it’s not coming from a place of malicious intent but rather a place of genuine inquiry. A lot of Arab kids have a hard time admitting we have some level of privilege. We have all traveled and seen the world and for a lot westerners they don’t even have a passport. But, that doesn’t excuse blatant and rude ignorance. But Samantha, before you ask my why I speak such good English next time, just think, is my country the only one that exists?? Can I speak more than one language?? Is what I’m asking… ignorant??? Follow these simple steps and maybe, just maybe we’ll invite you to sidos barbecue.

Peace and love from the Princess of Jumeirah xxxx